Please join me in an alternate universe, where our heroes Fitzwilliam Darcy (Pride and Prejudice), Georg von Trapp (The Sound of Music) and Evan Danes (Must’ve Done Something Good)–having tired of their fruitless search for the perfect female match–have engaged the services of matchmaking robot Smittetron 2011 for help in locating the lady of their respective dreams.

Oh, no! Smittie, having narrowed down their matches to the following three choices, begins to shake uncontrollably, then crumples to the ground with a metallic clash. Whoops! Someone forgot the oil in Smittie’s breakfast. It looks like our gentlemen are on their own to narrow down their choices. Let’s hope they choose correctly!

Why don’t you give it a shot and see which lady’s answers match up most closely with what you would reply? Keep track of the letters you choose, then check at the end to see which of these three gentlemen would be perfect for you!

1) Tell me a little about yourself?

A) I would consider myself a kind and thoughtful person. I love music and singing. Sometimes I just can’t help myself–my heart wants to sing every song it hears! I’m quite handy with the sewing needle, as well, though I admit to sometimes wearing clothes in which even the poor would be ashamed to be seen.

B) I’m an agreeable person, though I do have the smallest wicked streak where pomposity and general ridiculousness are concerned. These things amuse me greatly. Once you get on my wrong side, my opinion of you may well be set, so you would best endeavor not to offend me.

C) I’m still in the process of figuring out what I want to do with my life, but I do want to do something good that will make a difference. Some things I love: my family, mocha lattes, Columbo and piles of snacks. You should also know, I don’t give up easily and when I’ve made a promise, I see things through to the end.

2) What’s your family like?

A) I am sorry to say, I have no family to speak of except, of course, my friends at the abbey whom I now consider my family. They would certainly all be invited to my wedding, if nuns were allowed to have such a thing.

B) I get on exceedingly well with my elder sister, Jane, but I often wonder if my three younger sisters have one complete brain among them.

C) My two sisters, Kate and Meg, are definitely my best friends. My Mum and Dad are pretty great too, even if Dad is a bit of a workaholic and Mum worries about us way too much.

3) What do you like to do for fun?

A) Some of my favorite things are singing, going on picnics, playing my guitar…did I mention singing? I love coming up with incredibly complex songs to play and sing, right on the spot! (Occasionally, I’ll climb a tree or two, but I usually end up scraping my knee and tearing my dress!).

B) I’m quite fond of reading and I also enjoy a variety of handicrafts. Oh, and I do love a good long walk, of course, even through half a foot of mud.

C) Mostly, I like hanging out with my sisters, doing goofy things like trying (as of yet, unsuccessfully) to fool people with our fake English accents. I also like watching Judge Carmen, eating junk food, doing a little sketching and watching a movie or two. Well, really, there’s this one particular movie that we love to watch…

4) So, how do you feel about children?

A) For some reason, I feel quite confident that I’d be able to manage even a large number of children…say, seven! Possibly even more, in time. Honestly, I feel ready to just jump right in where children are concerned!

B) I like children, especially if they are well behaved. I have some young cousins that I get on with quite well. If I were to marry a gentleman, I allow I would feel a certain duty to help carry on the family name.

C) Hmmm…I’m not quite sure about that. I’m a bit young to be worrying about that sort of thing anyway–I’ve got plenty of time to figure that out, practically decades! I’d like to enjoy life with my husband for a good while, at least–just the two of us.

5) Would you describe yourself as “high maintenance?”

A) I do have a, what I like to call, “barely there” wave which requires a curler or two underneath my wimple (which is quite utilitarian, to be perfectly honest). I’m also very fond of curtain play-rompers, which I believe should tell you all you need to know on the subject.

B) I do admit to having my hair arranged specially by our maid, even for balls held by the neighbors just up the road.

C) Ha! I shop at this awesome thrift store called Vintage Years and I’ve gone months without so much as a drop of conditioner (though that last one’s not really something I’d recommend).

6) What part does religion play in your life?

A) My beliefs are central to who I am and I find great comfort in them. I believe I will be led to the life I was born to live.

B) I attend Sunday morning services with my family, and I do admit to getting more than a little pleasure witnessing the absurd obsequiousness of certain members of the clergy, who shall remain nameless.

C) I haven’t gone regularly to mass in, umm, years. But I do have a very strong sense of what’s right and wrong and I try my best to follow it and encourage others to do the same.

7) What’s your biggest fault?

A) I have a tendency to run away from problems, rather than stay and face them, as I should.

B) Once you’re on the wrong side of my affections, I’m afraid there’s very little that can be done to remedy the situation.

C) People have told me I tend to be a little gullible. My little sister was the one who first convinced me that Santa Claus didn’t exist.

8) Do you consider yourself a punctual person with good time management?

A) It seems I’m always late for chapel and I’m told it does absolutely no good that my penitence is real. As a matter of fact, dinner is probably the only event I’m ever on time for.

C) I’m constantly running late, but if I save some time by cutting out a few things, like conditioner or classroom preparation, I’ll usually manage to get where I need to be on time.

9) How would you feel about, say, singing and playing an instrument in public?

A) Oh, what a lovely idea! There’s nothing I like better than singing and playing my guitar. And if a certain gentleman wanted to join me up on stage, all the better.

B) Well, I could be persuaded to play a song a two on the piano-forte, and I might even sing, if you ask nicely, but I would not like to feel forced into it. A gentleman needn’t join with me, but if he’d like to sit and gaze lovingly at me whilst I play, that would be more than acceptable.

C) Good Lord, singing in public!? You’re joking right? Apart from some nearly-lip-synched renditions of “Happy Birthday” at random parties, I’d have to politely decline the whole thing.

Bonus question:

10) Quick–favorite Beatle!

A) I don’t understand the question.

B) I beg your pardon?

C) Definitely Ringo

Answer Key

Mostly As (Maria): Captain von Trapp is the perfect gentleman for you! Your openness and fun-loving attitude are the perfect complement for Capt. Von Trapp’s typical reserve. We are confident you will succeed at drawing him out of his shell and bringing music back into his life–and the lives of his children.

Mostly Bs (Elizabeth): Mr. Darcy is the perfect gentleman for you! We admit that the two of you may experience a rocky beginning, but once you understand each other better–and let go of your own misconceptions–you will both admit that you are, indeed, a perfect match.

Mostly Cs (Sylvie): Evan Danes is the perfect gentleman for you! Your sense of justice, desire to do something good, and tenacity in the face of difficult circumstances appeal to Evan’s own altruistic sensibilities, and his more laid-back, conservative style is the perfect counterpoint to your–admit it–sometimes goofball behavior.

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